Karl Pillemer is a gerontologist
(someone who studies older people) who, in his work, kept meeting older people
– many of whom had lost loved ones, been through tremendous difficulties, and
had serious health problems – who nevertheless were happy, fulfilled, and
deeply enjoying life. He found himself asking, “What’s that all about?” As he
looked through existing research, he found that study after study validated the
fact that older people – in their 70s, 80s and beyond – are actually happier
than younger people. Pillemer thought that perhaps older people knew things
about living a happy, healthy, fulfilling life that younger people didn’t, so
he decided to find out what that practical wisdom was. He interviewed 1,000
seniors and asked them, “What is the most important lesson you want to pass
along to the young?” From his interviews came his book, 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans.Here are a few of his findings about some of life's lessons that older people have learned during their long lives: “…one lesson stood out; a lesson that older people knew about because of where they stand on life’s road – but that younger people could benefit from learning about. It was a lesson that almost all expressed. And they did it vehemently.
“What they wanted younger people to know
is this: life is short. The older the respondent, the more likely they are to
say that life passes by in what seems like an instant. They say this, not to
depress younger people, but to get them to be more aware and selective about
how they use their time. Older people practice what psychologists call
‘socioemotional selectivity’ – because their time is limited, they make careful
decisions about how to use their time. Some implications of this insight are to
say things now to people you care about, whether it is expressing gratitude or
love; asking forgiveness or getting information; spending the maximum amount of
time with children or grandchildren; and savoring daily pleasures instead of
waiting for ‘big-ticket items’ to make you happy.
“The other piece of advice that comes
from this idea that life is much shorter than you realize: Take a chance.
People in their 70s, 80s, 90s and beyond endorse taking risks when you’re
young, contrary to a stereotype that elders are conservative. Their message to
young people starting out is ‘Go for it!’ They say that you are much more
likely to regret what you didn’t do than what you did. As one 80-year-old said,
‘Unless you have a compelling reason to say no, always say yes to
opportunities.’
“Elders have also learned that happiness
is a choice – not a passive condition dependent on external events, nor is it
the result of our personalities. We can choose – in a conscious shift in
outlook every day – optimism over pessimism, hope over despair.” We can take
responsibility for our own happiness throughout our life. As I’ve said many
times in this column: Life is about choices every minute of every day. We can
choose to be happy, smile and uplift people, or we can choose to put people
down and try to make them as unhappy as we are. It’s not your personality. It’s
your choice!
We also know experience is very
important in our work lives. Harold S. Geneen, the former CEO of AT&T, had
this to say about business experience: “In the business world, everyone is paid
in two coins: cash and experience. Take the experience first; the cash will come
later.” Those are true words of wisdom.
Harvey Mackay tells a
story about “a little boy spending his Saturday morning playing in his
sandbox. He had cars and trucks, his plastic pail, and a shiny red
shovel. In the process of creating roads and tunnels in the soft sand, he
discovered a large rock in the middle of the sandbox.
“The boy dug around the
rock, managing to dislodge it from the dirt. With a little bit of
struggle, he pushed and nudged the large rock across the sandbox by using his
feet. When the boy got the rock to the edge of the sandbox, he found that
he couldn’t roll it up and over the wall of the sandbox. Every time he
made some progress, the rock tipped and then fell back into the sandbox.
“Frustrated, he burst into
tears. All this time, the boy’s father watched from his living room
window. As the tears fell, a large shadow fell across the boy and the
sandbox. It was his father. Gently but firmly, he said, ‘Son, why
didn’t you use all the strength that you had available?’
“Defeated, the boy sobbed
back, ‘But I did, Daddy, I did! I used all the strength that I had!’
“‘No, son,’ corrected the
father kindly. ‘You didn’t use all the strength you had. You didn’t
ask me.’ With that, the father reached down, picked up the rock, and
removed it from the sandbox.
“Successful people rarely
reach the top without a lot of help along the way. The ability – and
willingness – to ask for help is one trait that really stands out among those
who are truly committed to success.” Seeking help and advice, when you need it,
will move you quicker down the highway of success.
